Life

sometimes i REALLY envious some single mums out there as they are able to keep their kids by their side, spending more time with them. seeing them when they reach hm fm their working life, feeling so blessed jus to see them. But for me, im fuck up!! use to be able to go hm after work to spent time with my son, slp with him every single day but nw? NOPE i cant.. not tt i DUN wan to BUT i simply can't.

i envious them is tt they can have all tt i dun have. y is my life like tt?? since young i dun have any motherly love, hoping tt i will have a wonderful family of my own, being there for my kid, being able to bring him up well, hoping tt he will grow up to be a gd boy to take care of him myself. but nw i simply cant.. hate this feeling.. have been away fm my son for nearly a yr, despite me & his dad having problem's since a few yrs back. only able to bring him hm during the wkends.. tt is the only time i have to spent with him.

i REALLY wish tt i am able to bring my son hm with me every single day, jus to see him everyday i also happy & spending my time with him.. i always dream of having a home of my own, doing the tings that i like. feeling at peace. sometimes i look at myself, its like looking at my mum, kinda like following her bloodily footsteps. at times i do wish tt god shouldn't have let me into this horrible world to suffer & made ppl i love to suffer too.

really wish tt my son will be STRONG in the future, for the mistake we did. dun wan him to be tease at by is frens of him having a broken family.

i guess i am the want to break up my own family, if i had jus Ren everything & jus swallow all of it then my son will have a happy family. nw i am the want giving him a broken family jus like mine. really HATE it!!

so u see, im really afraid to go back into this life i had before. i dun wanna suffer AGAIN!! i wan to have wat others have too. no wonder, i heard fm some ppl who are like me, they can do anything jus to live rich & being pampered, even if the guy is an UNCLE.. only uncle then got $$ ma..