Celebrating Me day!

Wasn't feeling well since yesterday.. out of a sudden i suddenly feel, hot and cold, then my throat became very painful, body feeling so weak.. having cramps and headache too really end up to all this sickness =( my baobei was so nice to take care of me, taking my body temperature, wanted to sponge me too. not to forget my dear too.

today attending my baobei celebrating Me day at Rainbow Club  the last session that he will be attending after 3months/12weeks. i wasn't feeling well had throat infection and fever cum headache but i still wanted to go as i knew that its very important for him that im there.

i find that this is a very good club for kids to really express out their feelings rather then keeping it to themselves. they have been operating for about 3 years now in Singapore.

Upon reaching there, they asked me to write a letter to tell my son how i felt about him.

Rainbow Club

This is their Journal whereby the have been writing their feelings down each week when they attend the session. Parents are not allow to write unless you kids allow you too and yes i asked him for permission to read and he say yes!

its so heartbreaking to read some of the words he wrote and to think i've ALWAYS thought that im the want closes to him but actually im not at all. as you can read here, he said that he's not close to anyone =( i did ask him why he say nobody and he told me that whenever he wanted to talk/chat with me i am always watching tv/movie, using my mobile phone =(

then i made a promise to him that i WOULD never do that anymore and told him he can talk/chat with me on ANYTHING, be in happy/sad/angry EVERYTHING. i just want him to open up to me so that we can have better understand with each other more.

i asked him what is this drawing he drew about, this is what he told me:

• 1st Picture, he told me that it was the time whereby when he was young and we had a happy family
• 2nd Picture, he said that he was sitting on THAT MAN and he accidently fart on him and he push him away
• 3rd Picture, he said that that man wanted to carry the chair and hit him but i protected him and cover my boy to prevent him getting hit
• 4th Picture, he said the OLD LADY called the police to come and catch him

i do remember all this BUT i didn't know that whatever happened he still remember them and he can even tell me that he remembered that he was only 4years old too.

then i asked him what does this drawing mean, he told me its when that time i with another bf that USELESS man we had a fight a VERY bad fight and he was beating me like nobody business i tried to fight my way too but of course i lost. even though i knew i would lost its better then not fighting back! i know that my baobei was REALLY scared at the moment after this fight i packed up all my stuff and move out and broke up with him. and becose of this till now i always have backache as he injured it so badly.

this drawing he said that daddy(yama) always like to cook special food but always doesn't taste nice, to me not really loh. and he keep saying im lazy =( because he always say i come home from work always lay down on my bed. i told him im tired ma after working, plus i always got backache. still say my hair always so messy =(

he always say he very lonely.. no one to talk too, say i always come home late he so lonely =( hopefully now he is in student care he will feel much better

this is the photo they took for us

and the group photos..

my Baobei cert from Rainbow Club.

Ive spoken to some of the teachers there asking them more about my son, telling them that That Man and the Old Lady came before to school looking for him and he told me that he hated them asking them not to come looking for him anymore, i asked the teacher if he did talk before about them saying he misses them etc or izzit he just telling me that he hate them just to please me and not to make me sad.

But they told me that he don't really talk about them. i then asked will he always express himself out to them and they said that he is very good in expressing himself out and among all the kids there he is the best in expressing himself given that he is also the youngest there too.

teacher even told me that normally kids at his age they don't really know how to express themselves out but for him its diffident he knows. so at least i know that he is not keeping it inside him.